it’s seven short answers to seven short questions. here we go…

1. boss texted me rude comments about my marriage and wants me to work on my anniversary

i am a salaried employee who is considering divorcing my husband. my boss is aware of this and we have had several discussions regarding this during our lunch time. this past week, my boss asked me to come into the office on a sunday because i was out sick thursday and friday (which i took vacation days for). i responded to the text message that sunday was my wedding anniversary. my boss sent one back that said, “who cares? are you celebrating or leaving him?” i answered and said i could work saturday, she said no, that she had other plans that she couldn’t break.

is this legal? can she request that i come in on my normal day off (we work m-f) that is a occasion for me, and try and make me feel guilty?

yes, it’s legal. no law prevents your manager from trying to make you feel guilty or from making rude remarks about your marriage. she can also ask or require you to work days that different from your usual schedule. you can say yes, no, or propose a different arrangement. if you say no, it’s her prerogative to insist — but a good manager isn’t going to require someone who normally works monday through friday to work on a sunday when they say they can’t except in fairly rare circumstances.

2. can i ask an employee to show me the offer letter they claim they received?

is it legal to ask for a copy of an offer letter when an existing employee is asking for a raise based on this supposed “offer”? i have my doubts that the employee actually has this offer, but i’m in a nonprofit organization and the culture is more relaxed than my for-profit experience. if i give this employee the raise they want, they will surpass peers and this person doesn’t have the credentials their peers have. i don’t want to lose the employee but i need guidance on how to handle.

sure, it’s legal to ask for that, but i wouldn’t do it. you need to decide if you’re willing to pay this person what they want based on their value to you, not to an entirely different organization. does paying them more make sense for the organization (considering value and how this will position them relative to their peers)? if not, then you shouldn’t offer a raise just to keep the person. (in fact, you probably shouldn’t counter-offer at all; read this.)

3. we can’t take time off unless we find our own coverage — but there isn’t anyone available for coverage

i was happy to find your post about overly rigid vacation policies, as i am in a similar work situation, also in a hospital. however, i’m curious about the “find your own coverage part.” our director sends out every schedule (3 to 4 months in advance) with the caveat that “pto requests are not considered approved until coverage has been found.” here’s the rub: there is no one to cover by the 12 full-timers who work in the department. we have no part-time or prn employees and the director refuses to bring in agency/temp help. so, we are constantly being guilt-tripped and pressured into picking up extra shifts and working ot on our scheduled days off so that one of us can go on vacation. the implicit threat is that if you don’t pony up and do your share, you might not get to take your vacation.

i have scoured our hr policies and there is nothing that addresses this. so, i’m guessing it is legal to do so, but what is a person supposed to do in this situation? we work 80-hour weeks (7 to 8 consecutive 10-hour shifts, some have a day or two off before the final shift depending on the shift they are working). we’re tired and we all have lives and things we have to do/need to do/want to do on our days off. not to mention feeling like your pto is being held hostage — in my opinion, once it goes on the schedule that you are on pto, isn’t that considered “approved”?

yeah, a company can set any rules for taking pto that it wants, including that you have to find your own coverage. it’s a terrible rule and it pretty much guarantees that employees will end up feeling like you do. your options are to accept it, push back against it (ideally as a group), think about unionizing (which has both pros and cons, so you’d want to do a lot of research — although they’re really asking for it in this situation), or find another job. but yeah, your management sucks.

4. do employers still hire in december?

every company and industry is different, but do people usually hire (for long-term positions) in december or do things start slowing down?

sure, plenty of employers are still hiring in december. some slow down because people are away … but the flip side of that is that job-seekers often slow down too, so of the employers that are hiring then, you can sometimes end up with less competition.

5. should hr managers be required to use the benefit plans they negotiate for their organizations?

at a recent family gathering, one of my relatives was venting about some rumors about the head of hr and the benefit plans at their employer. apparently next year, two providers will be switched, leading to a drop in the range of benefits provided in one case and, in the other case, to a benefit provider with a reputation for slow payment and frustrating communication issues. (neither of these changes are in medical insurance or related to the aca as far as we know.) the change will save the company an amount near the very bottom of the six-figure range. the employer is financially healthy and is expanding at a modest rate.

these changes, of course, are legal. at present they are considered ethical. here’s the thing, though — the head of hr brags about their spouse’s cadillac benefits and does not use any of the benefits hr negotiates. any problems with the reduction in benefits or delayed payments will not affect the head of hr.

my relative is outraged, and i can see the point. i wish shrm or other groups would stipulate that hr managers who negotiate this stuff must also have to sign on to use the benefits. it seems fairer to me, although i know curbside fairness has nothing to do with corporate legalities. it also seems practical to me — if hr is using the benefit providers, they are an early warning service if the provider is not meeting acceptable standards of performance. do associations for accountants, it staff, corporate procurement, and other business executives have ethical standards and would something like this be appropriate for shrm or other relevant groups?

it’s an interesting idea. i suspect organizations like shrm (society for human resource management — the professional association for hr people) wouldn’t go for it, because hr isn’t always the final word on what insurance plan an employer offers. if you were the hr director at an organization that could only afford a cheaper plan, but your spouse had excellent coverage and you had health problems, is it realistic to require you to forego that better coverage that’s available to you, particularly when you’re not the final decision-maker? and if even if you were the final decision-maker, sometimes financial realities dictate lower-cost plans anyway, no matter how sensitive someone might be to the health care needs of their workforce.

it’s another reason why tying health insurance to employment is a flawed idea.

6. can i negotiate this job offer?

i am 25 years old and recently received my master’s degree. in the past, i have held internship positions and done work in the industry that i am applying for jobs in as a part of my masters curriculum. however, i have been applying for jobs the last 3 months post graduation. i have had interviews but no clear offers until i had a chance to speak with a relative who forwarded my resume to one of is former colleagues. his colleague was impressed with my resume and after an initial phone screening i was invited to interview with 4 separate people, including the company ceo, in day-long interviews. last week, i received a phone call that they would like to extend me an offer.

here’s the issue. the company is restructuring and my position was a newly created one. i discussed what sort of projects and priorities i would be expected to tackle after being hired, but at the time of the interviews the position had no title and the organization was still working on nailing down what they wanted as the duties of the new hire. so i have an idea of what my job would be, but i cannot research salary and benefits to negotiate a job offer if i am not even sure of a position title. i do want to work at the company and found the people i spoke with to be very engaging. the work would be a challenge, as i would be creating a platform and doing things that don’t currently exist for the company in the form of creating performance metrics. both the company and i would be making it up as we go along, and i do expect a steep learning curve working for a company in the healthcare industry. i was told they would make me an official offer within the next 2 weeks. how should i approach the job offer as a new hire and recent graduate with limited work experience? i am excited to start my first real job but do not want to botch the job offer. do i have room to negotiate?

like all negotiations, it depends on how badly they want you and you want them. as a recent grad without much work experience, you don’t have a lot of standing to negotiate (you can’t point to a track record of professional success, let alone one in the area they’re hiring you for). but that doesn’t mean that you can’t try at all; you just can’t ask for something dramatically over what they offer. i’d wait and hear their offer and then see if it feels reasonable to ask for a bit more than that (a bit meaning a few thousand, probably). but make sure that you have the details and responsibilities of the job nailed down first, because you’re right that you can’t intelligently negotiate for more money (or even say yes to an offer) without knowing what the work actually is and what you’ll be expected to achieve.

7. should i thank this search firm for interviewing me?

i applied to a job that was actually through a professional search firm. i had the phone interview last week and met the recruiter today. i do not know if i will get an interview with the actual company. sounded like it, but like you always say, when you submit a resume and maybe even get interviews, until you get a job offer, carry on to the next resume/intervew. but my question is, do i send a thank-you to the search firm?

if so, i was just thinking of a simple “it was a pleasure meeting with you, let me know if you have any further questions for me…” something to that nature. short and simple. i don’t think it is a bad thing to do so, but is it necessary?

necessary? no. thoughtful and gracious? yes. it’s rarely a bad idea to thank someone for their time or for helping you.